In my first post, I mentioned how I have lost several friends to marriage. I hope I don’t sound bitter, or overly upset, but it is something that has happened to me on several occasions. Also, I must say that I do have a couple of married friends who are as close to me as sisters and I don’t feel uncomfortable or that we’re in completely different areas of life, so this post doesn’t apply to every single married person.
All that being said, with the majority of my friends who have gotten married, this is the case. Our friendship completely changed, or fizzled out altogether. It seems that they only want to do stuff with other couples. When we do hang out, they only want to talk about their husband, or they only want to talk about their kids. It makes you feel like you have nothing in common anymore. You feel like they have left you behind, and that can be painful.
I would say, if this happens to you, try not to take it too personally. I know that’s kind of a cheeseball thing to say and it’s not easy. The fact is, you are in different stages of life, and you do have different priorities. They suddenly have a permanent roommate of the opposite sex and want to be with them all the time. I’ve gotten to a place where I don’t blame them anymore.
Take some time to mourn the loss of that friendship, but then move on. It doesn’t help to dwell on things you can’t change. You can only call a friend so many times with them cancelling on you every time. I know it’s super hard making new friends. BELIEVE ME. Find an activity where you meet new people.. Join a bookclub, find a new church, join a ballroom dancing class, or a ladies’ poker league.
To any married people reading this, I would tell you, don’t forget about your friends who are unmarried. I mean, do you know how much money they just spent on all of your wedding activities? Between the bridesmaid dress, the alterations, the bridal shower, the lingerie shower, taking off work, couple showers, ENDLESS SHOWERS… It adds up. ANYways.. My point is, your single friends have invested a lot into your friendship (and not just money). They might be dealing with jealousy that they haven’t found their guy yet, and losing you is hard. If you do spend time with them, don’t yak endlessly about your marriage or your kids. Of course they want to know what’s going on with your life, but marriage and kids is something they can’t relate to yet. It’s not the only thing they want to hear about. If you do this, they’re probably zoning out and checking their phone constantly to see if it’s a reasonable time to leave yet. Just, be mindful. Think of how you felt when you were the single lady.
Anyone else out there dealing with losing married friends? How do you deal?
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