Losing Friends to Marriage

my-friends-are-all-getting-married-im-getting-drunk-quote-1In my first post, I mentioned how I have lost several friends to marriage. I hope I don’t sound bitter, or overly upset, but it is something that has happened to me on several occasions. Also, I must say that I do have a couple of married friends who are as close to me as sisters and I don’t feel uncomfortable or that we’re in completely different areas of life, so this post doesn’t apply to every single married person.

All that being said, with the majority of my friends who have gotten married, this is the case. Our friendship completely changed, or fizzled out altogether. It seems that they only want to do stuff with other couples. When we do hang out, they only want to talk about their husband, or they only want to talk about their kids. It makes you feel like you have nothing in common anymore. You feel like they have left you behind, and that can be painful.

I would say, if this happens to you, try not to take it too personally. I know that’s kind of a cheeseball thing to say and it’s not easy. The fact is, you are in different stages of life, and you do have different priorities. They suddenly have a permanent roommate of the opposite sex and want to be with them all the time. I’ve gotten to a place where I don’t blame them anymore.

198d37af66a2b69f38af69be5fa09d80Take some time to mourn the loss of that friendship, but then move on. It doesn’t help to dwell on things you can’t change. You can only call a friend so many times with them cancelling on you every time. I know it’s super hard making new friends. BELIEVE ME. Find an activity where you meet new people.. Join a bookclub, find a new church, join a ballroom dancing class, or a ladies’ poker league.

To any married people reading this, I would tell you, don’t forget about your friends who are unmarried. I mean, do you know how much money they just spent on all of your wedding activities? Between the bridesmaid dress, the alterations, the bridal shower, the lingerie shower, taking off work, couple showers, ENDLESS SHOWERS… It adds up. ANYways.. My point is, your single friends have invested a lot into your friendship (and not just money). They might be dealing with jealousy that they haven’t found their guy yet, and losing you is hard. If you do spend time with them, don’t yak endlessly about your marriage or your kids. Of course they want to know what’s going on with your life, but marriage and kids is something they can’t relate to yet. It’s not the only thing they want to hear about. If you do this, they’re probably zoning out and checking their phone constantly to see if it’s a reasonable time to leave yet. Just, be mindful. Think of how you felt when you were the single lady.

Anyone else out there dealing with losing married friends? How do you deal?

 

I Hate Bouquet Tosses

wedding-bouquet-ideas-stems-wrapped-in-burlapI am a wedding musician and have been to around 250 weddings. For the majority of them I am just background music, and I don’t mind it, but I really don’t like just attending weddings anymore.I need something to do. I’d rather be a bridesmaid than just attend. Give me something to do! ANYTHING!

Being single at a wedding is just painful. Everyone is coupled up and if you aren’t part of a couple, you get put at the dreaded singles table with other uncomfortable strangers. You spend the entire reception rolling your eyes at couples “dancing” (I put that in quotes because it’s pretty much just swaying to music) and you keep checking your phone to see if you can leave yet. You also get those people who haven’t seen you in a while asking if you brought a date. Or, even worse, “Oh, have you met so and so? He’s here alone too!” Gag.

I would recommend bringing a girlfriend to the next wedding you have to attend. Who says that the “and guest” has to be a man? It’s so much more fun going with your best friend. You have someone you trust to talk to, someone you can talk to about how ugly the bridesmaid dresses are, someone to judge the food with, and someone to drive you home if you visit the bar a few too many times. Heck, you even have someone to dance with. (No awkward swaying dances for me, no thank you.) Also, you have someone to fend off strange guys who you definitely don’t want to dance with.

Anyways.. Back to the subject of this post –  I hate bouquet tosses.bridal-bouquet-toss-femalesLook how silly they look. (I can say this because I’ve been one of them too many times to count.)

Bouquet tosses are just a reason to round up the “available” women like cattle and laugh over who is the most desperate to catch the bouquet so they can be the next one to get married. Do you know how many bouquets I’ve caught? At least 7 that I can think of. Am I married? No. Bouquet tosses are a stupid tradition. If I ever get married, I won’t do one. It’s kind of humiliating. My suggestion is to skip the bouquet toss at the next wedding you attend. Hide in the back of the crowd so you don’t get called out. It’s a silly superstition and it doesn’t work (not that I would want it to).

Do you have any wedding pet peeves? Any tips for getting through a wedding as a single lady?

And here is a terrible picture of me when I was in my early twenties in a terrible dress catching the dreaded bouquet. You’re welcome.
ugh.jpgIt does not need to be any bigger.

An Introduction

“A busy, vibrant, goal-oriented woman is so much more attractive than a woman who waits around for a man to validate her existence.”
Mandy Hale, The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass

Hello there, gentle readers. My name is Katy. I am 29 years old and live in the Deep South. I am single and actually really happy about it.Empowerment-of-WomenFrom my experience, the culture in the South makes you feel that once you reach a certain age, you need to be on the lookout for a husband. When I was in my early twenties, that was my goal. Every relationship I entered, I would think to myself, “this is the one” (thankfully, I was wrong about those guys). I was on the search for a husband and ended up with a broken heart when the guy didn’t turn out to be “the one”. When I see someone for the first time in a while, the first question I get asked is “so is there a guy?” No! There isn’t! But there are way more awesome things about my life right now than a guy. Thanks for not asking.

What I have realized is that so many young women feel that there is something wrong with them when all of their friends are getting married and leaving them behind. I have been that girl! I can’t tell you how many friends don’t talk to me anymore because they’re married and can only do “couple” activities. (Oh wait, they DO call when they want me to come to their baby showers. UGH. Can I just say that I hate wedding and baby showers. I know that is a terrible thing to say, but there it is. I am over it.)

Once I got over the shock of losing friends to marriage, I discovered that I don’t really want what they have. I’m not ready to “settle down”. Sure, I want to get married someday, but what I have right now is pretty awesome. I am an independent woman. I do what I want, when I want. I spend my money on whatever I like and go wherever I want. Later this year, I am planning on taking a solo trip to New Zealand to celebrate my 30th birthday. I couldn’t do that if I was married with kids.

I hope that by sharing my story I will encourage at least one person to stop waiting around for a guy, and start living their life. Be awesome. Be empowered. Be SINGLE!