On Jealousies…

Recently, I was notified that a friend’s ex-girlfriend hated me and was jealous of me because I performed on stage with my violin. First, I never even met this girl. Second, playing the violin is not something that came easy or naturally. I have worked on learning this complicated instrument for 24 years. I have cried over it, I’ve almost quit, I’ve loved and hated it, I missed out on things growing up because of it, but I have WORKED for it. That is not something to be jealous of. If you want to perform with an instrument, then I suggest you spend most of your life with lessons and hard work and learn one yourself.

resizeIt is NEVER okay to put down other women because you are insecure or jealous of them. I know we all have our insecurities, but it is not making you a better person for putting down another. It is hard enough out there being a *single* woman without others putting you down.

Stop aspiring to be someone else. I know that I can never be a supermodel because I stopped growing at 5′ 3″ when I was 15. I know that I don’t have six pack abs like Kiera Knightley because I don’t do sit ups or work out or have a personal trainer. Don’t try to be someone who you cannot ever be. It is setting yourself up for failure and heartache.

How about when we start to feel jealous, we find something about ourselves that we love. We are all unique and it’s time we start loving ourselves and each other.

The Importance of Feeling Important

I have a lot of experience feeling unimportant. I can’t even count the number of people who have dropped out of my life because of this. I hate the feeling of being set aside. I am selfish with my close friendships / relationships. Not always, but I want occasional alone time. I want quality time spent together. Maybe that’s a problem, but that is what I need. Quality time is my love language.

This happened with my best friend from high school. We went to the same college and continued to go to the same church. It should have been an easy transition. I noticed a change maybe two years into college. She never called me anymore. I was the one contacting her constantly and trying to make plans, but they would always fall through. Eventually, I stopped calling, and she never called. Now she’s a stranger to me.

This also happened with a guy I used to date. He never included me in important conversations. We would make plans to talk or get together and his friends would come along or he wouldn’t show. I didn’t feel a part of his life.

What is the point of this post? Well, being on the unimportant end of so many friendships, this is what I have to say:

Make a point to have a give and take relationship. If you notice that you’re never the person to make plans or you never call, maybe you should step up or you may lose a friend. If you realize you’re the giver, take a step back. People who want to be in your life will be there.

If you’re on the receiving end, what I say to you, is try to find your importance on your own. Know that you ARE important and if those around you don’t appreciate your importance, then you deserve better people in your life.

These are just my thoughts.. I dealt with this subject just last week, so it’s feeling a bit fresh.

 

An Introduction

“A busy, vibrant, goal-oriented woman is so much more attractive than a woman who waits around for a man to validate her existence.”
Mandy Hale, The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass

Hello there, gentle readers. My name is Katy. I am 29 years old and live in the Deep South. I am single and actually really happy about it.Empowerment-of-WomenFrom my experience, the culture in the South makes you feel that once you reach a certain age, you need to be on the lookout for a husband. When I was in my early twenties, that was my goal. Every relationship I entered, I would think to myself, “this is the one” (thankfully, I was wrong about those guys). I was on the search for a husband and ended up with a broken heart when the guy didn’t turn out to be “the one”. When I see someone for the first time in a while, the first question I get asked is “so is there a guy?” No! There isn’t! But there are way more awesome things about my life right now than a guy. Thanks for not asking.

What I have realized is that so many young women feel that there is something wrong with them when all of their friends are getting married and leaving them behind. I have been that girl! I can’t tell you how many friends don’t talk to me anymore because they’re married and can only do “couple” activities. (Oh wait, they DO call when they want me to come to their baby showers. UGH. Can I just say that I hate wedding and baby showers. I know that is a terrible thing to say, but there it is. I am over it.)

Once I got over the shock of losing friends to marriage, I discovered that I don’t really want what they have. I’m not ready to “settle down”. Sure, I want to get married someday, but what I have right now is pretty awesome. I am an independent woman. I do what I want, when I want. I spend my money on whatever I like and go wherever I want. Later this year, I am planning on taking a solo trip to New Zealand to celebrate my 30th birthday. I couldn’t do that if I was married with kids.

I hope that by sharing my story I will encourage at least one person to stop waiting around for a guy, and start living their life. Be awesome. Be empowered. Be SINGLE!