Tag: all the single ladies

Inappropriate Conversations

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Or, alternate title, THINGS YOU SHOULD NOT ASK SOMEONE WHO YOU HAVEN’T SEEN IN YEARS.

Last month, I was sitting in my chiropractor’s office when I hear someone say, “Katy?” I look up and it is a woman who I haven’t seen in maybe 10 years or so? She wasn’t even someone I knew very well. Her daughter went to school with my younger brothers. Basically, this woman is an acquaintance who I hadn’t seen in forever. ANYWAYS, I respond with the “oh hi!” that comes out when you’re not expecting to talk to someone and don’t want to have a long conversation. The first question that comes out of her mouth (I KID YOU NOT) is, “Did you get married?” The smile instantly comes off my face and I give her a short, “No.” She fumbles about seeing a ring on my finger (it was a silver ring on my right hand?) and I fake smile as I go in for my adjustment, not saying another word.

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Why was this the first question? This is SO inappropriate. Why don’t people understand this? Maybe I’m the only person that feels this way, but I legit get offended when the first question out of someone’s mouth is “are you dating anybody”, or “are you seeing anyone”, or “are you married yet?”. Like having a significant other would be the most interesting thing about me. I have so many interesting things about me that I would love to talk about other than my freaking relationship status.
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Just, if you see someone who you haven’t seen in a while, ask them a general “how’s life?” or “what’s new with you?” DON’T ASK ME ABOUT MY RELATIONSHIP STATUS. It makes me very angry.
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Do any of you deal with this as well? LMK in the comments.

Bridging the Gap

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I know I talk a lot about friends I’ve lost after they got married. [Exhibit A] Well, there are a select few friends (who I can count them on one hand with a couple of fingers to spare) where this did not happen. Here are a few things that I think helped “bridge the gap”, at least for me..

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  • Limit Couple Talk – Now, don’t get me wrong. I absolutely want to hear about how your life is going. I’m not some weirdo who only wants to talk about things we have in common. BUT, limit the couple talk. Don’t spend the entire time we’re together talking about couple things. I am not in a couple nor do I live with a man. I cannot relate.
  • Ask About My Life – This sounds simple, but you’d be surprised how many times I have spent time with people and all they do is talk about themselves. (Of course this happens with single people too.) These type of people never ask questions, and they always interrupt you with something (“my horse is bigger than your horse”). This is a relationship – give and take.
  • Do Things That You’ve Always Done – Okay, I’m not sure if this one makes sense (the title anyways), but what I mean is continue to do things together that you did before the marriage. If you went to dinner and a bookstore every other Tuesday night, continue to do that! Or if you met for brunch once a month, keep it up. Keep the relationship going.
  • Don’t Try To Set Me Up – Ugh this is the worst. I am sooooo tired of people trying to set me up with so and so. It’s always awkward and never works out. Just be okay with the fact that I don’t have a somebody at the moment.

These are just a few things that I’ve noticed that work for me. Did I miss anything? Would you add anything else? Let me know in the comments!

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Single’s Awareness Day

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Here we are again, another year, another Valentine’s Day, another reason to roll your eyes.giphy

Call me a cynic, but I am so over Valentine’s Day. The last time I had a romantic V-Day, was in 2010. I used to be a romantic, heck, maybe I still am a little bit, but I’ve been dumped on V-Day and I’ve been sorely disappointed on V-day.

Past Katy would have been all “why oh why am I still single?!”. Current Katy is “life is good and I am going to be awesome and single.” 

So, here we are at another one, and gosh darn-it, I am going to have a fabulous day. Why is it going to be fabulous? Well, because I am spending it with my best friend. We will watch the Hobbit and drink wine and eat lots of food and chocolate. It’s great having a best friend to be your standing date. She’s got my back and I don’t even have to wear makeup.

So here’s to you, single ladies. Don’t stress out about not having someone on the “most romantic day of the year”. q8y5v_s-200x150Just ignore it or do something fun with your girlfriend(s). And hit up the chocolate sales on February 15th.

 

Thirty, Flirty, and Thriving

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I’ve wanted to say that ever since 13 Going On 30 came out.635741977860104042940415133_thirty

Well, I am officially 30. I no longer fall into the “under 30 group” or the “in their twenties” group. I am bona fide grown up now. You know how people make those “30 things to do before you’re 30” lists? I didn’t have one. But I think I like the idea of a “30 things to do while you’re 30” list. I’ll get on that.

Okay, enough rambling about turning 30.. I guess I’m writing so I can process life. I recently got home from the most amazing trip of my life. I went to New Zealand, by myself, for 20 days (minus 2 of those days in Australia and a day that got lost over the Pacific). I don’t really know how to begin to describe what that trip did for me. Now, I’m back in America and everything seems a bit duller. Don’t get me wrong, I am very thankful for my life and everything, but I think I left a part of myself back in New Zealand.

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Lake Pukaki, New Zealand

I took a Lord of the Rings tour. I know that makes me a huge nerd, but I do not regret it one bit. The scenery was incredible, the people were amazing, and I walked away with 32 new friends who were a part of my “Fellowship”. If you’re thinking of going to New Zealand, I cannot recommend Red Carpet Tours enough.

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Bag-End!

Life has a funny way of not turning out how you planned. I used to think that 30 was when you should be “settled down” with a husband and a couple of kids. While that actually is the case in most of my old friends’ lives, mine couldn’t be farther from the norm, and I love it. I get to see the world. I get to spend my money on myself and just enjoy my life. I have a cat, and she is enough for me.

So, if you’re like me, turning 30 and surrounded by couples and babies, don’t fret. Life is good. Find joy in the small things (and the big ones).

Here’s to 30!
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This Is For The Boys Who Want To Be Men

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Okay I am not an expert by any means, but I have a good deal of life experience. As a strong, independent woman, there are a few things that just aren’t okay when looking for a significant other.

Here is a bit of advice from a 29-year-old lady who has dated a few duds…

Grow up. Women do not want a man-child. Peter Pan is not a role model. Learn to take care of a house. Wash your clothes, cook things on the stove (not the microwave), and for heaven’s sake, please clean your house!!!

Make us feel like we’re important. Include us in big life decisions, bring us a single red rose because you saw it and thought of me.. Ask my best friend for advice on gifts if you can’t think of anything to get for my birthday. Just make me feel important to you.

Wear shoes. I know this seems silly, and maybe it’s just me, but don’t wear plastic flip flops unless you are at the beach, running errands in the heat, or are a professional surfer. I like a man to wear shoes. If you must wear flip flops, invest in a leather pair. $2 plastic shoes just don’t cut it.

Show me you’re a gentleman. Open doors for me, pull out my chair, walk on the street side of the side walk.. We DO notice those little things. They count.

Don’t act jealous or possessive. Jealousy is a big turn off and it’s juvenile. We are both adults and if I am in a relationship with you, I am not going to be lured away by another man. For me, I’m a musician and I perform. Lots of guys AND GIRLS come up to talk to me after a show. Don’t act all possessive when that happens. It’s extremely off-putting. As the first wive’s club says “You Don’t Own Me”.

These are just a few thoughts and suggestions.. Do you have any major “no-no’s”?

 

A Rant.

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Sometimes you just need to rant. So that’s what I’m going to do…

I went to a banquet earlier this week. It was for a company that I used to work for. I was looking forward to seeing everyone for the first time in several years (also, I was having a damn good hair day). So I run into my first old coworker. First question she asks me.. No lie.

“So is there a special guy in your life?”

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I mean REALLY?! WHY MUST I HAVE A GUY IN MY LIFE?!!!!!!!! ARRRGHHH! Remember when the Oscars last year made a big deal about “ask her more” than what she’s wearing? That needs to start up in normal life, except instead of ask her more than clothing, ask her more than if there’s a “special guy” in her life. Ugh. Bleh.

So I make niceties and get the hell away. Oh! I’ve run into another coworker. First statement:

“Katy, I didn’t even recognize you!” (I was blonde when I worked there)

Going well so far.. Insert polite chitchat.. We’re doing good..

“So are you seeing anybody?”

Me: giphy

The night is steadily going downhill. I get seated at a table with a bunch of other single ladies (I mean there were a couple of teenagers, but still!). This is great! We’re ladies and we’re awesome.

Well, one girl, I think she’s 21 or 22, starts texting and she’s giggling. I ask her in a silly voice if she’s texting a guy. She replies “sadly, no”.

Me: pissed-off-lil-girl-gif

Ugh! Don’t be sad about it!!!!! You can have your sad days, I GET IT. But for real. Just be happy. If the right guy comes along GREAT, but don’t just be sad and alone. Do stuff. And whatever.

Okay this post is going downhill. Here’s another angry gif.
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Rant over.

Adventures in Flirtation

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I spent this past weekend flirting outrageously and it was FANTASTIC. I wasn’t flirting to try and get a date, I wasn’t trying to make anyone jealous, I was just flirting for the heck of it. It was so much fun. Where did this happen, you may ask?

The Renaissance Faire.

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I will cut you.

Let’s be honest, I’m a huge nerd. I love Harry Potter and Star Wars and Lord of the Rings and if it was socially acceptable I would wear a costume every day of my life.

One of the many things I love about Renaissance Faires (yes, that “e” on the end is intentional) is that people are totally open to everything. There are people dressed as dragons, endless corsets, pirates, belly dancing, jousting, and giant turkey legs. I am more of an introvert normally, but there is something about this atmosphere that eases me out of my shell more than usual. There are no expectations, so you can just chat up a random pirate and not feel weird about it. No one is asking for your number (because cell phones don’t exist yet, duh) or coming on to you in an uncomfortable way.. It’s just a great time of flirting and laughing and having a blast.

I got invited to play music with a Pirate Band and it was so much fun. In actuality, I think I had too much fun, if the bags under my eyes today are any indication..
12805677_10154714379742627_4882396791598932224_nWhat does this have to do with being single? I honestly think that if I had had a significant other I would not have had nearly as much fun. Who knows? All I can say is that I love Renaissance Faires and flirting. And alliteration.

Let the flirtations begin! Huzzah!

Losing Friends to Marriage

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my-friends-are-all-getting-married-im-getting-drunk-quote-1In my first post, I mentioned how I have lost several friends to marriage. I hope I don’t sound bitter, or overly upset, but it is something that has happened to me on several occasions. Also, I must say that I do have a couple of married friends who are as close to me as sisters and I don’t feel uncomfortable or that we’re in completely different areas of life, so this post doesn’t apply to every single married person.

All that being said, with the majority of my friends who have gotten married, this is the case. Our friendship completely changed, or fizzled out altogether. It seems that they only want to do stuff with other couples. When we do hang out, they only want to talk about their husband, or they only want to talk about their kids. It makes you feel like you have nothing in common anymore. You feel like they have left you behind, and that can be painful.

I would say, if this happens to you, try not to take it too personally. I know that’s kind of a cheeseball thing to say and it’s not easy. The fact is, you are in different stages of life, and you do have different priorities. They suddenly have a permanent roommate of the opposite sex and want to be with them all the time. I’ve gotten to a place where I don’t blame them anymore.

198d37af66a2b69f38af69be5fa09d80Take some time to mourn the loss of that friendship, but then move on. It doesn’t help to dwell on things you can’t change. You can only call a friend so many times with them cancelling on you every time. I know it’s super hard making new friends. BELIEVE ME. Find an activity where you meet new people.. Join a bookclub, find a new church, join a ballroom dancing class, or a ladies’ poker league.

To any married people reading this, I would tell you, don’t forget about your friends who are unmarried. I mean, do you know how much money they just spent on all of your wedding activities? Between the bridesmaid dress, the alterations, the bridal shower, the lingerie shower, taking off work, couple showers, ENDLESS SHOWERS… It adds up. ANYways.. My point is, your single friends have invested a lot into your friendship (and not just money). They might be dealing with jealousy that they haven’t found their guy yet, and losing you is hard. If you do spend time with them, don’t yak endlessly about your marriage or your kids. Of course they want to know what’s going on with your life, but marriage and kids is something they can’t relate to yet. It’s not the only thing they want to hear about. If you do this, they’re probably zoning out and checking their phone constantly to see if it’s a reasonable time to leave yet. Just, be mindful. Think of how you felt when you were the single lady.

Anyone else out there dealing with losing married friends? How do you deal?

 

I Hate Bouquet Tosses

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wedding-bouquet-ideas-stems-wrapped-in-burlapI am a wedding musician and have been to around 250 weddings. For the majority of them I am just background music, and I don’t mind it, but I really don’t like just attending weddings anymore.I need something to do. I’d rather be a bridesmaid than just attend. Give me something to do! ANYTHING!

Being single at a wedding is just painful. Everyone is coupled up and if you aren’t part of a couple, you get put at the dreaded singles table with other uncomfortable strangers. You spend the entire reception rolling your eyes at couples “dancing” (I put that in quotes because it’s pretty much just swaying to music) and you keep checking your phone to see if you can leave yet. You also get those people who haven’t seen you in a while asking if you brought a date. Or, even worse, “Oh, have you met so and so? He’s here alone too!” Gag.

I would recommend bringing a girlfriend to the next wedding you have to attend. Who says that the “and guest” has to be a man? It’s so much more fun going with your best friend. You have someone you trust to talk to, someone you can talk to about how ugly the bridesmaid dresses are, someone to judge the food with, and someone to drive you home if you visit the bar a few too many times. Heck, you even have someone to dance with. (No awkward swaying dances for me, no thank you.) Also, you have someone to fend off strange guys who you definitely don’t want to dance with.

Anyways.. Back to the subject of this post –  I hate bouquet tosses.bridal-bouquet-toss-femalesLook how silly they look. (I can say this because I’ve been one of them too many times to count.)

Bouquet tosses are just a reason to round up the “available” women like cattle and laugh over who is the most desperate to catch the bouquet so they can be the next one to get married. Do you know how many bouquets I’ve caught? At least 7 that I can think of. Am I married? No. Bouquet tosses are a stupid tradition. If I ever get married, I won’t do one. It’s kind of humiliating. My suggestion is to skip the bouquet toss at the next wedding you attend. Hide in the back of the crowd so you don’t get called out. It’s a silly superstition and it doesn’t work (not that I would want it to).

Do you have any wedding pet peeves? Any tips for getting through a wedding as a single lady?

And here is a terrible picture of me when I was in my early twenties in a terrible dress catching the dreaded bouquet. You’re welcome.
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