How I Found My Confidence

I know I post a lot about how I love being single and I don’t need a man and all that jazz, but it has taken work to get where I am.

I had my first relationship from age 19-21. Back then, the “plan” was to get married as soon as I graduated college. That was the thing to do. That’s what the culture is here. I remember in 2007 (when I was in that relationship) we went to SEVEN of our friends’ marriages. SEVEN. IN ONE YEAR. (Of course this doesn’t include the playing music in strangers’ weddings, these were just the friends’ weddings..) Marriage was in the air. I thought I was next. NOW, I am so thankful that I was not next. But, back then, when I thought the guy was “the one”, when I got dumped the day before Valentine’s Day (2008) because he met another girl on a camping trip, I was devastated. It took me maybe 8 months to get over that heartbreak.

Looking back I know that I lost myself in that guy. I wanted to see him every day, I wanted to like the things he liked, and I changed my personality to suit him. That was WRONG.

I have never lost myself like that again and will never do that again. Sure, I’ve been in a few other relationships, but I never let myself get lost in them. I can’t stress enough how important that is.

b3791524654aed3954f4254b998f5bbbI have learned so much about myself since that first relationship. I know that I am very independent and self-reliant. If I guy gets too clingy, I’m out! I can afford to pay for my own dinner, but I want the guy to pay, whether it’s a cheeseburger or a filet mignon. I hate football and will not watch football for a guy. He can have his alone time with the game, but don’t expect me to watch it. I know that I deserve to be treated with respect and I want to be important to someone. (This goes for relationships AND friendships..) I want to be given flowers just because and I want a guy to always get me a birthday present! Also, I hate to admit this, but if my parents don’t like a guy I’m dating (look away if you’re reading, mom!!) there’s probably a reason. I like a man who dresses well and wears good shoes. I love going to the ballet and the symphony, but I CAN go by myself. I know who I am and I will NOT settle for anything less than I deserve. If I end up 50 and still single, I’m totally okay with that. I’ll see the world in the meantime and have a pretty awesome life.

If you’re reading this and you’re struggling with confidence, my advice is to get to know yourself. Date some wrong guys (that’s where you really figure out what you do and don’t like). Find one friend who you can trust completely. I know I would have gone into some dark places if I didn’t have my best friend encouraging and supporting me. Also, don’t ever get into a relationship just because all of your friends are. Be unique.

You deserve so much and don’t EVER settle.

How To Enjoy Being Alone

When I mention being all by myself, I imagine this is what people are picturing:tumblr_m4g4ye1lev1qac2a8Sure, I’ve been sad and sang that song in a car before, but it’s been like twice… And I think both were after breakups.. Anyways, it’s a weird concept, to enjoy being alone.. Here are some things that help me in my alone-ness..

Get a pet. I have a cat who pretty much goes everywhere I go (including work). If you don’t like the high maintenance of a cat or dog or just can’t afford one, get a fish. Beta fish are like $2 at the pet store. There’s something about a pet that just makes you feel like you have someone there with you.

Take yourself out to a fancy dinner. Now, I know that eating alone can be super weird. But it’s also kind of liberating to buy the Filet Mignon and not worry that your date can’t afford it (I don’t think I’ve ever dated anyone who could afford the filet…). Bring a book along if you feel awkward just sitting there. Put on some fancy clothes and indulge yourself. You deserve that Filet Mignon, damnit!

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I just really love this gif..

Take a trip. I haven’t actually done this yet, but I have put a deposit down for it! I am turning *cough* 30 *cough* later this year and am treating myself to a two week solo trip to New Zealand! I’m a bit nervous but also really excited. I’m going with a group of strangers, so it will be an opportunity to make new friends from all over the world! I used to think that I would wait to get married and take these big trips with a husband. But seriously, why would I wait?! What if I never get married? Or what if we can’t afford to take trips like that? I’m not going to wait around for a possible future husband to start living my life and adventuring. Now, you may not want to go across the world by yourself, but maybe you could take a two hour road trip to the beach and rent a condo for a couple of nights. Maybe you go to Disney World by yourself (single riders get on the rides faster anyways)! Just get away, do whatever you want, eat whatever you want, and have fun!myxtftt
Treat yourself to a spa day.
This is one of those things that I think is actually better to do alone. You can get all of the treatments and not have to talk to anyone in between them, except to order your next mimosa.

Stuff your face. I eat healthy most of the time, but there are some points in a woman’s life when she needs to stuff her face. Get a pizza exactly how you like it and eat the whole thing. Eat an entire box of girl scout cookies with no one to judge you or ask for any of it.

Anyone else out there learning to enjoy being alone? What do you do?