Tag: surviving singlehood

Inappropriate Conversations

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Or, alternate title, THINGS YOU SHOULD NOT ASK SOMEONE WHO YOU HAVEN’T SEEN IN YEARS.

Last month, I was sitting in my chiropractor’s office when I hear someone say, “Katy?” I look up and it is a woman who I haven’t seen in maybe 10 years or so? She wasn’t even someone I knew very well. Her daughter went to school with my younger brothers. Basically, this woman is an acquaintance who I hadn’t seen in forever. ANYWAYS, I respond with the “oh hi!” that comes out when you’re not expecting to talk to someone and don’t want to have a long conversation. The first question that comes out of her mouth (I KID YOU NOT) is, “Did you get married?” The smile instantly comes off my face and I give her a short, “No.” She fumbles about seeing a ring on my finger (it was a silver ring on my right hand?) and I fake smile as I go in for my adjustment, not saying another word.

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Why was this the first question? This is SO inappropriate. Why don’t people understand this? Maybe I’m the only person that feels this way, but I legit get offended when the first question out of someone’s mouth is “are you dating anybody”, or “are you seeing anyone”, or “are you married yet?”. Like having a significant other would be the most interesting thing about me. I have so many interesting things about me that I would love to talk about other than my freaking relationship status.
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Just, if you see someone who you haven’t seen in a while, ask them a general “how’s life?” or “what’s new with you?” DON’T ASK ME ABOUT MY RELATIONSHIP STATUS. It makes me very angry.
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Do any of you deal with this as well? LMK in the comments.

An Unexpected Journey

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If I had to title my adult life, it would definitely be An Unexpected Journey [I mean, it’s a true statement, and I mean, Tolkien..].img_8495_facetune_19-05-2019-10-31-38.jpeg

You see, over the past couple of weeks I have been reflecting on the last decade of my life. I’ve been reflecting because I just celebrated my 10 year anniversary of graduating COLLEGE. Whoa. It feels like it was a completely different life, and back then, I imagined a completely different life for myself. Continue reading →

Random Blather

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I haven’t posted in a  hot minute, so I figured I would take this opportunity to rant for a a wee second.

So I know three people who are younger than me who all have just gotten married…for the second time. Most of me is like “oh my gosh I’m so glad I’m not on my second marriage at this age”. But the petty bit of me is like “how come they get two go’s at the whole marriage thing and I haven’t even had one go at it yet?!”

Now, I know I am being completely unreasonable and I don’t even know these people that well (anymore), but there it is. 463ec9054828f5acd98030653a2980c5

Anyways, just thought I’d share my random silly thought process. And I am definitely happy that I’m still single and not on a second marriage.

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House Hunting

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So as evidenced by the title of this blog, I am a single lady. Now, I love being a single lady. I love my freedom and my life in general. Yeah, sometimes I get bummed about not having a plus one, but I have lady friends for that!

Anyways, all that being said, it’s never been as frustrating being a single lady as I have found it to be trying to buy a house. And no, I don’t mean the advantage of having a second income. I mean, I have to give up lots of houses because the location is not safe for a woman to live there by herself, which is super sucky.

I wish I didn’t have to say no to houses I love because I don’t have a man to protect me. Ugh. I’m having to look in neighborhoods with mostly old people or cookie cutter houses because they have a connected a garage. What is a girl to do?!

emma-stone-making-noise-bored-at-the-dinner-table-in-easy-a-gifI know that I will find the right house eventually, but right now it’s super frustrating. Anyone else ever run across this life problem?

xxKaty

Single’s Awareness Day

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Here we are again, another year, another Valentine’s Day, another reason to roll your eyes.giphy

Call me a cynic, but I am so over Valentine’s Day. The last time I had a romantic V-Day, was in 2010. I used to be a romantic, heck, maybe I still am a little bit, but I’ve been dumped on V-Day and I’ve been sorely disappointed on V-day.

Past Katy would have been all “why oh why am I still single?!”. Current Katy is “life is good and I am going to be awesome and single.” 

So, here we are at another one, and gosh darn-it, I am going to have a fabulous day. Why is it going to be fabulous? Well, because I am spending it with my best friend. We will watch the Hobbit and drink wine and eat lots of food and chocolate. It’s great having a best friend to be your standing date. She’s got my back and I don’t even have to wear makeup.

So here’s to you, single ladies. Don’t stress out about not having someone on the “most romantic day of the year”. q8y5v_s-200x150Just ignore it or do something fun with your girlfriend(s). And hit up the chocolate sales on February 15th.

 

Thirty, Flirty, and Thriving

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I’ve wanted to say that ever since 13 Going On 30 came out.635741977860104042940415133_thirty

Well, I am officially 30. I no longer fall into the “under 30 group” or the “in their twenties” group. I am bona fide grown up now. You know how people make those “30 things to do before you’re 30” lists? I didn’t have one. But I think I like the idea of a “30 things to do while you’re 30” list. I’ll get on that.

Okay, enough rambling about turning 30.. I guess I’m writing so I can process life. I recently got home from the most amazing trip of my life. I went to New Zealand, by myself, for 20 days (minus 2 of those days in Australia and a day that got lost over the Pacific). I don’t really know how to begin to describe what that trip did for me. Now, I’m back in America and everything seems a bit duller. Don’t get me wrong, I am very thankful for my life and everything, but I think I left a part of myself back in New Zealand.

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Lake Pukaki, New Zealand

I took a Lord of the Rings tour. I know that makes me a huge nerd, but I do not regret it one bit. The scenery was incredible, the people were amazing, and I walked away with 32 new friends who were a part of my “Fellowship”. If you’re thinking of going to New Zealand, I cannot recommend Red Carpet Tours enough.

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Bag-End!

Life has a funny way of not turning out how you planned. I used to think that 30 was when you should be “settled down” with a husband and a couple of kids. While that actually is the case in most of my old friends’ lives, mine couldn’t be farther from the norm, and I love it. I get to see the world. I get to spend my money on myself and just enjoy my life. I have a cat, and she is enough for me.

So, if you’re like me, turning 30 and surrounded by couples and babies, don’t fret. Life is good. Find joy in the small things (and the big ones).

Here’s to 30!
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This Is For The Boys Who Want To Be Men

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Okay I am not an expert by any means, but I have a good deal of life experience. As a strong, independent woman, there are a few things that just aren’t okay when looking for a significant other.

Here is a bit of advice from a 29-year-old lady who has dated a few duds…

Grow up. Women do not want a man-child. Peter Pan is not a role model. Learn to take care of a house. Wash your clothes, cook things on the stove (not the microwave), and for heaven’s sake, please clean your house!!!

Make us feel like we’re important. Include us in big life decisions, bring us a single red rose because you saw it and thought of me.. Ask my best friend for advice on gifts if you can’t think of anything to get for my birthday. Just make me feel important to you.

Wear shoes. I know this seems silly, and maybe it’s just me, but don’t wear plastic flip flops unless you are at the beach, running errands in the heat, or are a professional surfer. I like a man to wear shoes. If you must wear flip flops, invest in a leather pair. $2 plastic shoes just don’t cut it.

Show me you’re a gentleman. Open doors for me, pull out my chair, walk on the street side of the side walk.. We DO notice those little things. They count.

Don’t act jealous or possessive. Jealousy is a big turn off and it’s juvenile. We are both adults and if I am in a relationship with you, I am not going to be lured away by another man. For me, I’m a musician and I perform. Lots of guys AND GIRLS come up to talk to me after a show. Don’t act all possessive when that happens. It’s extremely off-putting. As the first wive’s club says “You Don’t Own Me”.

These are just a few thoughts and suggestions.. Do you have any major “no-no’s”?

 

The Importance of Feeling Important

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I have a lot of experience feeling unimportant. I can’t even count the number of people who have dropped out of my life because of this. I hate the feeling of being set aside. I am selfish with my close friendships / relationships. Not always, but I want occasional alone time. I want quality time spent together. Maybe that’s a problem, but that is what I need. Quality time is my love language.

This happened with my best friend from high school. We went to the same college and continued to go to the same church. It should have been an easy transition. I noticed a change maybe two years into college. She never called me anymore. I was the one contacting her constantly and trying to make plans, but they would always fall through. Eventually, I stopped calling, and she never called. Now she’s a stranger to me.

This also happened with a guy I used to date. He never included me in important conversations. We would make plans to talk or get together and his friends would come along or he wouldn’t show. I didn’t feel a part of his life.

What is the point of this post? Well, being on the unimportant end of so many friendships, this is what I have to say:

Make a point to have a give and take relationship. If you notice that you’re never the person to make plans or you never call, maybe you should step up or you may lose a friend. If you realize you’re the giver, take a step back. People who want to be in your life will be there.

If you’re on the receiving end, what I say to you, is try to find your importance on your own. Know that you ARE important and if those around you don’t appreciate your importance, then you deserve better people in your life.

These are just my thoughts.. I dealt with this subject just last week, so it’s feeling a bit fresh.

 

How I Found My Confidence

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I know I post a lot about how I love being single and I don’t need a man and all that jazz, but it has taken work to get where I am.

I had my first relationship from age 19-21. Back then, the “plan” was to get married as soon as I graduated college. That was the thing to do. That’s what the culture is here. I remember in 2007 (when I was in that relationship) we went to SEVEN of our friends’ marriages. SEVEN. IN ONE YEAR. (Of course this doesn’t include the playing music in strangers’ weddings, these were just the friends’ weddings..) Marriage was in the air. I thought I was next. NOW, I am so thankful that I was not next. But, back then, when I thought the guy was “the one”, when I got dumped the day before Valentine’s Day (2008) because he met another girl on a camping trip, I was devastated. It took me maybe 8 months to get over that heartbreak.

Looking back I know that I lost myself in that guy. I wanted to see him every day, I wanted to like the things he liked, and I changed my personality to suit him. That was WRONG.

I have never lost myself like that again and will never do that again. Sure, I’ve been in a few other relationships, but I never let myself get lost in them. I can’t stress enough how important that is.

b3791524654aed3954f4254b998f5bbbI have learned so much about myself since that first relationship. I know that I am very independent and self-reliant. If I guy gets too clingy, I’m out! I can afford to pay for my own dinner, but I want the guy to pay, whether it’s a cheeseburger or a filet mignon. I hate football and will not watch football for a guy. He can have his alone time with the game, but don’t expect me to watch it. I know that I deserve to be treated with respect and I want to be important to someone. (This goes for relationships AND friendships..) I want to be given flowers just because and I want a guy to always get me a birthday present! Also, I hate to admit this, but if my parents don’t like a guy I’m dating (look away if you’re reading, mom!!) there’s probably a reason. I like a man who dresses well and wears good shoes. I love going to the ballet and the symphony, but I CAN go by myself. I know who I am and I will NOT settle for anything less than I deserve. If I end up 50 and still single, I’m totally okay with that. I’ll see the world in the meantime and have a pretty awesome life.

If you’re reading this and you’re struggling with confidence, my advice is to get to know yourself. Date some wrong guys (that’s where you really figure out what you do and don’t like). Find one friend who you can trust completely. I know I would have gone into some dark places if I didn’t have my best friend encouraging and supporting me. Also, don’t ever get into a relationship just because all of your friends are. Be unique.

You deserve so much and don’t EVER settle.